Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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