And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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