At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
3 2 1 whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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