just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
