"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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