My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
