Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
