Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
