Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
