why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
