Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
