i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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