Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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