Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.