Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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