So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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