I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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