I've blown a few things in my day
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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