I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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