The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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