The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
did i just pee glitter
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
