ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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