you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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