did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
