bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
