The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
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Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
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No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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