a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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