he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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