Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.