I accidentally burped into my bong.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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