id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
