If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
there is glitter all over my balls
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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