Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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