He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We don't watch enough power rangers
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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