sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
