dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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