Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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