i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
