Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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