I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
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How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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