he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize