Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.