I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
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Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
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A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes