Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.