I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.