I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
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just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT