if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.