I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
