Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
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He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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