Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize