Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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