I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
