take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
