And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.