i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
