but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
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they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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