I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?